I watched two totally naff programmes last night and, because of the usual crass scheduling which meant that both of them were on at the same time, taped one and then, with the luxury of another day at home today, sat up late to watch it.
First up was Wired. This was a three parter on one of the commercial channels and centred on a gigantic fraud to transfer millions of pounds into a fake account at a large bank at Canary Wharf. Probably not the best of timing to show us what an incompetent and greedy bunch bankers are at the 
moment, but daresay the producers had no notion of the financial meltdown looming when this was filmed. It was packed with nasty, vicious dodgy characters who seemed to be beating up, stabbing or kicking their partners and lovers and the 'heroine' Louise, a rather spotty single mother who seemed to have reached a huge position of trust in the bank (how? she was totally gormless), seemed to have no ethics or morals whatsoever, taking money from whoever would pay her- ok she was blackmailed into it at first but only because she had done something dodgy in the past, and then she vacillated between the goodies and the baddies and by the end of it I hadn't the faintest idea who she had double, triple or quadruple crossed. She also behaved in such a furtive manner, looking left, right, left right and checking up on everyone each time she was going to do something dodgy that if I had seen her I would have hauled her off the trading floor straight away. Bodies everywhere, unexpected people turning out to be devious and most of the bank's staff it would seem, all in on the fraud.
Came the day when the big transfer was GO a team had been assembled to transfer £250m. Loads of nerds sitting in front of laptops banging away, fingers going like lightening and all looking as if they were writing a sequel to War and Peace. Why? I would have thought one person, one laptop and one finger could have done all this.
Well by now you are probably wondering why I watched it. Well, simple really. Toby Stephens. I can only assume that he needed some Christmas spending money and a gap in his schedule as I cannot believe that he would do this otherwise. He oozed his way through the three episodes, exuding sex appeal from every pore, managing to make the dire script sound vaguely convincing and every now and then sneered or raised an eyebrow. Wonderful. If you like really good/bad drama then Wired fulfills all the criteria.
And the second programme? Spooks. As I mentioned earlier, this series has left me stone cold having watched one episode in the very first series and finding it eminently and boringly predictable and have never watched it since and had no intention of ever doing so, but then up comes Richard 
Armitage who takes over from Rupert Penry Jones who seems to take underacting to a new under, so of course I had to watch. Am not sure that even with the divineutterlygorgeoussexy RA in it I will be able to take an entire series. Watched it last night with mouth open in disbelief at just how corny and bad it was. A meeting on the Embankment (the London Eye in background so we all know where we are) between the head of M15 and his Russian counterpart, all full of joviality and you scratch my back and I will give you a samovar of tea, featured Peter Firth with Stuart Wilson as the devious Russian. And how do you know he is devious? Because Stuart Wilson always, but always plays the baddy in every single thing I have seen him in (please write in and correct me if I am wrong, I probably am) so you immediately want to scream at the screen DON'T DO IT as papers or chat are exchanged. As David Niven once said about Errol Flynn ' you knew where you were with Errol, he always let you down'. Just swap Errol for Stuart.
OK so far so bad, but then we are told 'the Russians are getting tetchty. Get in touch with Rangerider (or Rangerover not sure which )and tell her the Moscow operation is burnt' Burnt?
Cue phone call to Glam blonde striding around Moscow with phone glued to ear:
'Rangerider, abort mission, Russians getting tetchy'
'I have been here six months, not missing the drop now'
'Rangerider that's an order GET OUT NOW'
'Sorry no can do'
Hangs up. This is the sort of dialogue that you would expect in an old black and white war movie, preferably with Richard Todd in stiff upper lip mode, 'Sorry sir am ignoring order. I'm going in. Give a kiss to the wife from me will you if I don't come back''
Rangerider then goes to rendezvous, finds contact dead, spots someone creeping up behind her reflected in glass, smashes his face in, finds the information she wants tucked in the sock of dead contact and legs it to a nearby Russian church (cue Russian type church music) whips out a passport and stash of money left behind a statue and next thing we see is landing at Heathrow just in time to join forces with the other members of MI5 to thwart a terrorist attack without barely drawing breath.
I am aware that I am going on and on about this to the point of tedium, but I really could not believe just how bad it was. Now I am not being snotty or superior here, this writer is addicted to Strictly Come Dacning, Midsomer Murders, 24, West Wing, ER, Inspector Frost et al, so my credentials for enjoying populist TV are pretty strong, but I just found the entire experience of Spooks, with jagged shots, pounding music and shouts of GO GO GO just too predictable for words.
Then I open up this week's edition of Radio Times (which I have taken for years and with anal attention each week mark up progs I am intending to watch), and find this next to a pic of next week's edition of, yes, Spooks:
"... it all adds up to another breathtaking week for a cracking adventure series, one that always makes sure it takes itself completely seriously while dropping tiny nuggets of bone-dry humour into the dialogue. Don't miss it"
I am obviously living on a different planet.
Sigh
Off to put the kettle on.
PS (Have just discovered that Toby S is going to be in three episodes of Robin Hood playing King John. This means that both he and Richard Armitage are going to be on screen AT THE SAME TIME).
