Last week I turned on the radiator in my bedroom and there was a fizzy noise, a smell of burning and a loud bang, and all the lights on it went dead. I don't have central heating as I have a small flat and I prefer to be able to control the heating when I want. Unhitched this rad off the wall, slung it in back of car and along with loads of other junk visited the Tip and dumped it.
Now I don't like sleeping in a warm room, but there are limits and as the temperatrue at night has been below freezing here, and as I do not have double glazing (am in the throes of getting that organised at the moment but will save this sexy topic for another day), the condensation is awful and the bedroom just a tad chilly. So off to big local DIY store and come out with a little convector heater which will do me nicely for the time being. Pretty cheap too.
After fighting my way through the cardboard and polystyrene I pull out the heater, with difficulty, as it is wedged solid. In the end turn the box upside down and shake it out. Not really to be recommended but short of breaking every nail I possess, only feasible method. I then pull out the Instruction Manual and the first thing I read I have to do is 'Remove the unit from its packaging and check it is in good condition'. As I have had to remove the unit from its packaging in order to open this manual which tells me to remove the unit from its packaging.................. well, cannot help but feel this particular instruction is redundant.
No matter. Then comes the next piece of wisdom 'this heater is hot when in use'. Er, yes. 'The surfaces of this heater are hot when in use'. 'Extreme caution is necessary when the heater is being used'. I am now getting pretty scared. Perhaps I should not have this dangerous bit of equipment in the flat. There are 15, yes 15 more warnings listed. I am beginning to feel this is worse than having the bubonic plague.
I decide to be really reckless and attach the feet onto the heater. Well, I have to as I have been told 'in no circumstances should this heater be attached to the wall'. The thought had never crossed my mind. Honest.
So I read the Feet Assembly Instructions (I kid you not) and note that I have to 'align the two holes on the feet with the pre-drilled holes on the unit (fig 1 and 2) and secure in place with the fixing screws provided (fig 3). Only one slight problem, there are FOUR pre-drilled holes on each end of the unit, not two. Shrug shoulders and manage after a lot of cursing and swearing to get them aligned and screw them in and feel very pleased with my total brilliance. Still cannot work out what the other holes are for.
Then I go to chuck the packaging away despite being told I should keep it for 'out of season storage purpose'. I have no room - to the Tip it must go. While lifting up the packaging a little plastic bag falls out the bottom with a note in it, Instruction Manual Amendment. Oh my god what have I done wrong I think. Open it up and inside find another four screws and the following note, personally addressed to me:
"Dear Customer
Please note that there has been a change to the product manual for your convector heater. Instead of 2 screws per foot as stated in the manual, each foot has 4 holes and requires 4 screws. You have therefore been supplied with 4 screws per foot and not 2 screws as stated in the manual. A total of 8 screws are included in the box instead of 4.
4 screws are located at the top of the box and (my italics) 4 screws are located at the bottom of the box' WHY? why not put them at the top where I would see them 'after removing the unit from its packaging to check blah blah blah.
You could not make it up.
Oh, and in order for the heater to work, I have to 'push the plug in the socket and switch on'.
I am losing the will to live..............
