I want to tell you all about my television. Now I admit that this sounds boring but I think I have a weird television (no comments in the back row please...) and want to tell you all about it.
Last week I switched it off one night and went to bed and half an hour later just as I was dozing off was jerked awake pretty quickly by the sound of music from my living room. I rushed through and found that my television set had turned itself back on, yes back on! Every horror film I had ever seen relating to evil spirits and TV came back to me so I switched off, and this time did not leave it on standby which I had done by accident.
Next day switched on to check the weather or something, turned off, five minutes later it turned itself back on. My friend Rosemary was around on Saturday night and we were watching the latest Harry Potter DVD and I got up to make a cup of tea and the dvd went off and we were watching the football on BBC1. Managed to get it sorted but I did wonder what on earth was happening.
It has got worse and now when I turn the TV on it hops backwards and forwards between stations like a drunk on a spree and never stays on one channel for more than 30 seconds. The only way I can get it to work is if I switch it on at the TV itself and choose the channel in the good old fashioned way. BUT and here is where I had an inkling of what might be wrong, once the TV is up and running if I get up quickly and walk away POW off it goes again. Ah ha thinks I, there is something wrong with the sensor on the TV. So I decided to be very cunning....
I managed to get the TV up and running and then I laid on my stomach and crawled backwards across the living room floor and slithered onto my sofa without disturbing any gamma ray and was able to watch my programme. Ah ha got you I thought triumphantly and then forgot, jumped off the sofa to go and make a cup of tea and, yes you have guessed it, suddenly I was watching some dog show or similar and then recoiling in horror, I watched as it switched to the channel where they sell you cheap tacky jewellery.
I decided to call the store where I bought it and speak to an 'expert'. The first man I spoke to said I obviously had got a poltergeist in my set and was immediately convulsed by his wit. When I failed to respond to this cretinous remark, put me through to the Man who Repairs TVs and Will Know what is Wrong. HAH!!! He seemed totally stunned by this, had no idea what to do at all and did that familiar indrawn breath, whistling through the teeth, ooooh this sounds bad kind of response to which I told him he should be glad he was on the end of a phone and that I was not standing in front of him.
Well, to cut a long story short I have two Men coming round Saturday morning to check that perhaps the settings are up the creek, reset the factory settings and then retune for me and see if that will do the trick. I have a sneaky feeling it will not but let us not repine. Failing that it will have to go to repair and I know that means it will vanish into a work shop in Glasgow/Land's End/the Shetland Isles or somewhere as far away from Colchester as possible, and I will be lucky to get it back before Christmas this year. I was warned the screen might be at fault and if so, then I would be looking at about £200 plus VAT and guess what it would be cheaper to get a new one. Gosh what a surprise.
Well today I was in Ipswich with the Aged Parent and popped into a TV store just to check out the price of a replacement should it be needed and up pops a very nice helpful man (middle aged and full of wisdom and TV knowledge) and I had a chat with him and told him what was going on. AHA, says he, check your remote. Sometimes the buttons that one presses, which are usually of a soft material, can get caught at the back and this sends a continuous signal to the television and that might be the problem. When I told him that I had not been told this by the Expert I had consulted his response was How old was he? Said I had only spoken to him on the phone but he sounded about 9. Well, he says, I would check your remote and then take it into the store and get them to check it. He told me he would have done it but not driving all the way to Ipswich for that though if the nerd at my Colchester store cannot do it, then I may very well.
Got home tonight, and got out my trusty screwdriver and prised up each button on my remote for the TV and also the remote for the DVD and, yes, it works. It is bouncing about a bit but another prod with the screwdriver and I have the TV remote control working now, which I could not before. So it would appear that this gentleman is right and armed with his advice I will troll into Colchester tomorrow and have my remote checked and looked at. If it needs replacing then it will cost about £20 - rather cheaper than buying a new television.
I do wonder sometimes about our consumer society and the lack of knowledge when one has this sort of problem. I also wonder what I would have looked like if anybody could have seen me crawling on my belly across the floor like some member of the SAS trying to avoid sniper fire....
'sigh'