Random Jottings

Random Rant - Wimbledon

I have received numerous queries asking if I am going to do a Wimbledon Rant this year. I have, on the whole, found this year's tournament somewhat lacklustre with only the odd excitement and upset to enjoy.  I have not tuned in as assiduously as I usually do.

There was an article in the Daily Telegraph last week regarding the way the Wimbledon Committee treat the tournament and the general feeling that the actual tennis is not as important as the optics and the prestigiousness of the fortnight.   The writer of this piece also lambasted the standard of the commentary.   At the last time of looking there were around 1200 comments on the forum and with no more than half a dozen exceptions everyone was in agreement that this year the commentary has been the worst ever.

Now I have watched Wimbledon for years and the level of expertise and knowledge of the entire commentary team has really gone down.   Sue Barker, a Grand Slam winner and a woman with an incredible knowledge of the game, retired last year.  She had been replaced by the BBC on another programme she had fronted for years, much to the fury of the viewers, and she decided to retire from Wimbledon before she was edged out.   The BBC do not have much time for white women in their sixties.

She was replaced as the anchor woman by one Clare Balding who was a racing commentator and is a horse expert. She also comments on Crufts, the annual prestigious dog show. She has never played tennis, her knowledge of the game seems to be culled from google and most seem to find her acutely annoying.   But she ticks a diversity box which the Beeb are very keen on so that is that.

New to the team this year is Isa Guha who ticks two diversity boxes. She also happens to be a cricket commentator. True.   On the first day of the tournament she was heard asking if there was a difference between playing on a clay court rather than a grass one. Words fail.

The third newcomer ticks another diversity box or two and is, I gather, a presenter of children's tv. I freely admit I have never heard of him. He fronted up Wimbledon Today which used to be an interesting programme but has now turned into a Wimbledon tik tok experience with this guy roaming round the grounds wearing a shirt that looked like it could do with an iron, and burbling into a mike. He says he is a "tennis geek". Well, so am I but that does not mean I am qualified to broadcast on the game.

Then in the commentary box we have a collection of has been ex-British tennis players who have achieved very little but are resurrected every year. I call it the Knackers Yard.  The two most prominent members of this collection are Andrew Castle and John Lloyd.

Andrew Castle once took Max Wilander, in his day, to five sets on the Centre Court at Wimbledon. Andrew lost.   And that is it.  

John Lloyd - John is now an estate agent who lives in Florida.  He is wheeled out each year. He at least does have a Wimbledon title as he once won the mixed doubles. He also has the dubious distinction of being one of Chris Evert's husbands.   And that is it.

Sam Smith - I gather she is an ex Ladies No 1 from the UK. I have no recollection of her. She has a voice that would put you to sleep. And frequently does.

There is talk of Johanna Konta joining the team. Jeez kill me now.

Ok so who else do we have? Martina Navratilova, a woman for whom I have the utmost respect and admiration. Unfortunately, she never stops and has a droning voice that, like Sam Smith, can send you to sleep.

Tim Henman - he has improved over the years but still has the charisma of a newt. But he is a nice guy and he knows when to be quiet so that is an uptick for him.

Note: I should mention that at Queens, just before Wimbers, Castle and Lloyd were in full flow there and they had the addition of Kyle Edmonds, another knackered ex-Brit whose style of commentary was incredibly awful and made Henman sound like the Master of Quick Wit and Repartee.

We have John McEnroe and he is the best of the lot though that is not saying much, but he is witty and knowledgeable and of course, knows all there is to know about the game. He also used to have a great rapport with Sue.

The other American visitor who turns up with monotonous regularity is Tracy Austin.  One wit on the tennis forum I mentioned earlier says she has "the perfect voice for silent movies". It is relenting, it never gives up, it grates, it drives you to screaming pitch. The other night she was partnered with the Sam Smith mentioned above and the two of them did not give up for one moment. In fact, I wondered if they were watching the match at all.   I had to mute the sound in the end.

Well I could go on and on and on about the stupidity of the scheduling, the cut off in the evening so matches are left in the balance, the start time on the Centre Court which is purely to allow the fat cats, debenture holders and corporates time to stuff their faces and pig out on strawberries before entering and taking up their FREE seats.

And the Saturday of the first week when the Royal Box is filled with Z level Slebs who are announced portentiously by La Balding and who we all have to clap and cheer. It is toe curlingly awful and I avoid it like the plague.

Well I think that is it except I have to mention the trite and tedious interviews on court after every game when the player is asked "what does this mean to you". I long for the day when the players responds "actually I don't give a shit I just want to go off and have a shower". It will never happen of course but wouldn't it be wonderful if it did?

We are headed for the inevitable final between Djokovic and the newcomer Alcaraz (I keep calling him Alcatraz) who I am already finding annoying with his constant fist pumping.

FInally, yes really finally, Roger Federer. He may not be gracing the courts any more but he graced the Royal Box and was seated next to the Princess of Wales last week. Oh he loved it. He stood up, he waved, he preened, he soaked up the adulation. I am suprised he did not bless us all.   

He then spent most of the afternoon sucking up to POW.  The camera kept zooming in on Mrs Federer.   She did not look happy. In fact if I could have added a balloon coming out of her mouth I am pretty sure it would have said "just wait till I get you home".

Hilarious.

Random on Wimbledon 2018 - so far

It is 7 am and have been awake since 5 am so thought Elaine get the laptop out and do your Wimbers report. People ask me when I am going to do my yearly Rant so here goes, though my ranting will be muted somewhat as most of the time there has been nothing to get steamed up about. But we will see...

I have to say now that yesterday I broke my own personal record and found I had been watching tennis for nine hours. Yes, NINE hours. I say it with no shame at all. During that time I did other things, got rid of a batch of ironing, and also spent the entire afternoon sorting out and arranging my stamp collection which I am bunging in an auction in a week or so. I am having a Spark Joy week and have box loads of china and stuff ready to go as well. Just had enough of clutter in my life.

Right back to Wimbers.  I entered the ballot this year and came home from Australia to find I had two tickets YAY but because I had not replied, being at the Great Barrier Reef was the reason, they were passed on to somebody else. Gritted teeth and lots of swearing through. Then a few weeks later a friend of mine who had applied for some on my behalf received two. Shock. On checking I discovered they were for ladies quarter finals day and I am sorry, but with the best will in the world, I am not paying out £120 to listen to a shriek fest so I passed on those. I am hoping that next year I might strike lucky again. Incidentally, the tickets I missed were for the men's semi-final day.  Yes I know....

First up the weather so far has been wonderful. It is a glorious sight to see the grass tennis courts bathed in sunlight. Many years ago when I used to attend I well remember being on the Centre Court in the evening with the sun going down watching a men's doubles or a mixed doubles and loving every minute. It is a great place to be.

The seeds have been going out left, right and centre. First match I watched was Wawrinka v Dimitrov. A good match on paper and as I like both players very much, was sorry to see this was a first round clash. Saw Dimitrov the other week at Queens when Djokovic demolished him - he is going through a bad patch it seems - and the same thing happened here. Of course, it probably did not help that most of the crowd were well behind Stan the Man. It is nothing personal, the Brits always like a Plucky Player who has fought back from injury etc, but it mustn't have helped Grigor very much who trudged off a depressed looking figure.

Cilic went out yesterday, he won Queen's and was looking good, but lost to an Argentinian who nobody had ever heard of (they have now) and even I cannot remember his name at the moment. Sad to see as I have rather warmed to Cilic in the last year now he seems to have lightened up a bit and not be so permanently doleful. He slipped and fell over on the grass when it rained (yes they had some rain the other day, none of it reached me) and then lost the set when he was cruising to a win. That seemed to be the turning point as he became wracked with nerves after that. When questioned about this at the obligatory press conference, he refused to blame Wimbledon officials saying that 'both of us discussed it with the umpires and thought we would give it a go'. Classy act and nice man.

Sharapova aka Shriekarova has gone for which we must be thankful. The noise she makes is appalling and I am staggered that she has never been penalised for it. It is pure gamesmanship as there is nary a squeak out of her on the practice courts. One of the newspapers pointed out that since she came off Meldinium, or whatever it is called, which she was taking for her 'heart problem' she has failed to win anything. The point was made that she obviously cannot win without it and that perhaps some of her earlier successes and titles are, therefore, doubtful.  I am glad to see the back of her. I have always found her arrogant attitude pretty repellant and I gather she is the least liked player in the locker room which is really rather sad when you think about it.

Muguruza, the defending champion, is now out. I like her tennis, she is lovely and charming and seems a nice person but, again, the screaming is awful so I cannot watch her. I can put the mute button on but without the sound the whole game loses so I just do not watch.

Johanna Konta - I am saying nothing

Heather Watson - I am saying nothing

Wawrinka only survived one round and then lost in straight sets to a minute Italian I have only seen play once, but he was relentless and had superb ground strokes. Because he is small he uses a huge racquet to extend his reach and it all looked a bit weird.  I was sorry to see Stan go, he is very popular and always seems to be in the shadow of That Man.

Yesterday I watched a match which, on paper, looked a joy. Feliciano Lopez v Del Potro. Now as most of you may know I admire Feliciano enormously for his backhand and his ground strokes (as you can see from the attached picture and please do not leave comments about me drooling and accusing me of sexism, it has happened and I do not care) but I also adore Delpo who seems to be the nicest man on the planet and who has fought back from the most appalling injuries. He is now No 5 in the world after about three years out with wrist injuries and everyone loves him. He came out and wiped Feliciano off the court. OK Feliciano was having a bad day that was clear from the start, but it was exacerbated by the simply staggering play of Delpo. He did not lose a point on his serve for a set and a half and was untouchable. I am hoping that he continues on in this vein as the Two I Dislike the Most are still here - the Smugmeister and the Twitcher and I want somebody, anybody, to knock them out of the tournament.

As the final of the world Cup clashes with the Men's final and let us hope and pray that England are in it (well, we can dream after this week though it may be dashed by Saturday evening) I know what I will watch if these two are facing off at the net. And Yes, I know I go on about them and yes I know they are both superb players but I simply cannot tolerate them. Nadal was warned for his time wasting yesterday, about bloody time but he just ignores it. Rog descended in a golden chariot to defend his title last week. And that is what it felt like. Sue Barker in full gush mode and Rog walking onto Centre Court regally waving with minions scurrying about. I found myself looking for the red carpet and waiting for the Pope to appear to canonise him on the spot.....

Seems I am getting into a rant after all. I have tried hard not to but then yesterday we had the obligatory Andrew Castle shriek 'Oh look there is Pippa' and he got frightfully excited. Pass the sick bag.

I am writing this on Friday and tomorrow we have the usual introducing of all the 'personalities' in the Royal Box. One year we had the Beckhams and though David grinned and smiled and had a great time, Mrs sat with a permanent scowl on her face the entire afternoon and barely reacted to a thing, ditto Anna Wintour. I get so enraged with this. If you don't bloody want to be there GIVE ME YOUR TICKET YOUR MISERABLE COW.

Enough. Too early in the day. Elaine go and put kettle on and shut up....

C'MON ANDY!!!!

I have a couple of book reviews lined up but it is useless pretending I am interested in anything but Wimbledon this weekend and am totally unable to concentrate so holding over until Monday. Please bear with me O Random Ones and I will be most grateful.

Well he has done it. Andy Murray is in the Wimbledon final and his reaction at the end of the match just showed how much it meant to him.  John Mac said he wished he had shown more excitement, but I disagree.  Andy was overwhelmed with relief and the tears welled up and there was no room for shrieking and jumping - it is not his style anyway as we know.  Time for that IF and WHEN and I am so hoping it will be When.   The first two sets against Tsonga seemed to have the crowd in a fairly subdued mood - hey, he has won them with good straightforward tennis, this is not what we expect from a British player. Where is the cliff hanger, where is the tension, where is the roller coaster of emotions (gosh I hate that expression such a cliche but always used whenever a Brit is on court), why are our stomachs not being churned?   Could it be that he will win in Straight Sets?????   Don't be silly, it was clear that this was never going to happen - you may get straight set wins in the earlier part of the tournament, but no matter who is playing in the semis you know the players will not give in that easily.

And so it proved - Tsonga suddenly seemed to light up and started firing shots all over the court and trying to blast Andy into oblivion and for the third set it worked.  By now the crowd were shooting on all cylinders (That's more like it - none of this three set nonsense, thank you) and the noise levels were escalating rapidly.   At this stage I turned the television off and went for a walk.  Yes, I did.   My nerves could not take any more, I am still in recovery mode from the Ferrer/Baghdatis matches and I was feeling fragile. I have my own Simpson-Long theory when it comes to winning, fine tuned over the years of watching British sport.  When watching cricket if England need a breakthrough and need to get somebody out, I go to the loo, I put the kettle on, I go out for a stroll.  It always works, I return and a wicket has gone.  Of course, this gets difficult when England are batting and I don't want them to lose a wicket, I then have to stick to the TV and my chair and not move at all in case my need for a cuppa causes a batting collapse. This can be quite painful after a while for obvious reasons.....

This all sounds very silly but I can assure you from years of experience, it works.   So off I go for a run walk/walk through the woods.  Am trying to get a bit fitter so decided it would help me as well as Andy.  I wanted to return when the third set was out the way and he was regrouping for the fourth. Third was gone so let it go.   After 20 mins came back, made cup of tea and switched TV back on and yes, the third set had indeed gone and we were well into the fourth.  There was one moment in the match when Andy sat down during a game break and started gesticulating to his team in the old way and I thought Oh No No, calm down and keep Kevin the Teenager at home.  Well he did - I can only assume he received a Look from Ivan. If I received a Look from Ivan it would strike me dumb (yes, really) as well as scaring the shit out of me and so with Andy and he quietened down straight away.

Well, he did it and the joy and delight from the crowd was simply wonderful to see.  Andy did not scream or shriek, as I have already mentioned, but there was no doubt in my mind how much this meant to him.  To win a Slam and this Slam, the most prestigious title in the world, would shut everyone up, would silence the nasty and unpleasant comments on the boards (and yes, despite his win they were out in force, small minded and nasty), would put to bed once and for all doubts about him and get this monkey off his back (sorry for the mixed cliches).   We saw Tim Henman's reaction in the studio where he had been watching it and he was simply delighted and said to Sue Barker afterwards 'Not sure I could have handled a fifth set' to which she replied 'Well, now you know what you used to put us through'.   Indeed.

I want him to win so badly but after watching Federer play such creamy, elegant and destructive tennis yesterday again Djokovitch, I am worried.  Murray has beaten Federer on several occasions and knows he can do it and the only thing that will really stop him here is his mental steeliness.   Murray was destroyed by Rog in an Australian Open final a few years ago from which he took a long time to recover.  Roger was also less than gracious in his acceptance speech at the time, mocking the Brit by asking him HOW many years is it since a Brit won a Grand Slam Andy? which made me furious.  He is not low on self belief is the Fed 'Oh yes I played a brilliant match' was his response yesterday. Well yes he did but there is a fine line between self belief and arrogance and sometimes Roger goes over it.  The main reason I wanted him to win yesterday was because I felt Andy had more chance against him than Djokovic but now I am not so sure.

So the Nation Awaits and, no matter what the outcome on Sunday, Andy has played a wonderful Wimbledon.   But he knows that nothing but a WIn will shut up the wingers and moaners and all I can say is C'MON ANDY!

It is Jubilee Year - do it for Her Maj.

PS -I shall not be watching the Ladies Final this afternoon for one reason and one reason only - Serena Williams, but I had better not turn this into a rant and tell you what I think of her.......

Well, it's all over now

Another fortnight of tennis played on the green lawns of Wimbledon, SW19 is now over and I am not sure that it can be classified as a vintage year.  No great tennis, no huge peaks of wonderfulness this year, but there have been upsets along the way.   Here are my thoughts which I am sure you are all breathlessly awaiting...

First up - the ladies tournament.  I am sure I am going to outrage a lot of people here, but I am sorry I totally disagree with the equal prize money paid to the Ladies Champion.   The disparity between the male and female game has always been obvious but the Wimbledon Committee bowed to the hollering and shouting of Mesdames King, Casals, Navratilova et al back in the 70's and 80s and decided they deserved the same pay as the men. I disagreed then and I disagree now.  Most of the ladies tennis matches have been lacklustre and pedestrian and SHORT.  Oh yes we have had some goodies, not that many but some (Bartoli v Lisicki being an example) though these have been few and far between.   I am all for equal pay for an equal job but tennis is not a good example.

Watching the grunting Williams sisters is not exactly an aesthetic pleasure and their ungraciousness and consciousness that they are The Best and everyone else is lower than the dust beneath their chariot wheels, grates.   Serena put in a complaint that she and Venus were not on the main courts enough and that she found pushing her way through the crowds to get on Court 2 or 3 'uncomfortable'.  Well, hey welcome to the real world lady. Those horrid sweaty proles are the ones who buy the tickets and pay your prize money.  Not surprising that when her defeat was flashed up on the Centre Court during a break in a match the crowed clapped and cheered. Nice - no, understandable - yes.   I know she has a hard year, in fact we know all about it as it was raised and aired at every single interview and press conference and must have been seriously scary to be so ill, but time for Venus and Serena to learn that the world at Wimbledon does not revolve around them.

Heavens I was even wishing Sharapova  would win just to keep them out, shows how bad things have got.  

And the grunting and the screaming and the shrieking and no, I am not talking about the spectators, I am talking about the women players.  Sharapova makes no noise when she is practicing so we are left to draw our own conclusions as to why she does it when playing.  It was a pleasure to see a nice, QUIET girl come onto the court and wipe the floor with her and we have a new champion.   But that match was two sets of pretty mundane tennis which lasted just over an hour and a half and for that they get the same money as the men.  This year the men's final was not a classic but four sets of good tennis, nearly three hours so tell me why do the women get the same?   OK, better shut up now I suppose.

Delighted that Djokovic won the title, I am not a fan of Nadal as I find his time wasting tactics between points acutely irritating.  He regularly takes longer than the time allowed but is never penalised because of it and I think he should be. Other players are.  I know everyone says what a nice guy he is and sure they are right, but he has a really nasty mean look in his eye all the time which really puts me off and yes I know he is trying to win a match and I am being illogical but there you go.

Andy Murray - well what can one say?  He has the skill, he has the talent but until he stops behaving like Kevin the Teenager and getting all sulky and irritated when he makes a bad shot, he is not going to fulfill his potential.  Nadal, Federer, Djokovic - make a bad shot. Bugger. Forget it, don't do it again.  Murray ponders and pouts and slams his racket and winges and by the time he recovers a set has gone by and Nadal is thundering shots round his ankles and past his ears.   And I know I am going to sound like a fussy mother here, but really get a shave and a decent haircut and don't turn up looking like you have slept on the sofa all night and have not seen a brush or a comb for days.  If you turn up looking immaculate and taking pride in your appearance, it all helps.   This is Wimbledon for heaven's sake not the local Rec.

Andrew Castle said a shocking thing on the BBC the other day when asked about Murray. He said that 'perhaps he just wasn't good enough'.  Blimey, somebody actually coming out and saying so.  He is good but he is not as good as the top three and he is going to have problems in the next few years as there are other stars lurking who will soon eclipse him.   The next two years are his make or break years and I have my doubts.   I would love him to win the US Open in a few weeks, I would love him to prove me wrong. I really would.

Enough I think but cannot close with my moan (yes another one) about the BBC's obsession with slo-mo. After every single shot we see it again in slow motion and as this usually means somebody shouting YEEEEEEEEES, clenching their fist and opening their mouths as wide as the Mersey Tunnel, it is not a pretty sight.   Sweat flying off Nadal's hair in slow-mo also pretty revolting.  This sort of filming is getting very cliched now BBC.

Final word - in papers this morning news that loads of complaints have been made about the constant banging on about celebrities in the Royal Box.  Ok I can see that is irritating and I don't really want to see a parade of sportsmen or women who take part in a sport in which I have no interest, but appreciate that others do.  I don't really want to see Sir Cliff Richard again, though thank goodness he wasn' not singing this time, and I found the sight of the newly Knighted Sir Bruce Forsyth laughing and giggling with the Duchess of Cornwall quite fun. What I DO NOT WANT TO SEE is another bloody close up of Pippa  bloody Middleton who is in the Royal Box because she is the sister in law of the future King of England. She has done NOTHING of note or merit thought she looked rather fetching as she walked up the aisle behind her sister, but the BBC seemed obsessed with her and when Andy won one of his matches the camera zoomed in on her, not the Murray family, and out comes the comment 'Oh there's Pippa, bet she's pleased'

Pass the sick bag.....

Wimbledon - love it or hate it?

Been a busy week folks and had a long long long but simply wonderful day in London yesterday, not only with my darling Florence but also with lots of interesting people and had lots of fun.  When I tell you I was up at 6am and driving to London and then drove home at 10pm in the evening you will understand that today was a day for lying in a poleaxed heap on the sofa not moving, not doing anything at all except watching Wimbledon.

Of which I will give you my thoughts while I am at it - you know I am going to don't you?

Trying to work out who is the worst commentator of the lot the BBC hire each year. Well, first up I will admit that I find John McEnroe witty, brilliant and huge fun in this role, but also know that there are millions of you out there who disagree.  He used to be such a little shit when he played, couldn't stand him and would never watch his matches as I found the way he was allowed to behave by the spineless umpires and referees totally inexplicable. There were several occasions when he should have been thrown off the court and if I had been a linesman and had him ranting and spitting in front of me I would have thumped him.  So the transition from little shit to elder statesman was a shock at first but now I find I like him and wonder why he did not show this side of his character when he was playing. He admits that he behaved atrociously and should have been defaulted and dealt with more severely - bit late in the day John baby, but I have now forgiven him.

Boris Becker - poor at first but has now warmed to the role and strikes me as being a nice man.  Several of his fellow commentators have said he is a 'good guy' and he is another one who is prepared to admit his mistakes.

Tim Henman - well, what can one say about Tim? Nice Tim, sweet Tim, well dressed and well mannered Tim?  Tim who has the most BORING DRONING VOICE IN THE WORLD and is charisma free.

Andrew Castle - morphed from being the British No.1 - gosh we are all overawed - to being a thoroughly good TV presenter and Wimbledon chap.  Took part in Strictly Come Dancing a few years ago and admits he was terrified throughout.   Easy listening voice, does not intrude when he should not and I really like him (Letter in the paper the other day from a reader who says he drives her mad...)

John Lloyd - also ex British No. 1 (do they all end up at Wimbledon? If so Hello Andy Murray in 2020). Knows what he is talking about and comments well but he does have the most peculiar cockney/American accent with Australian overtones. Prof Higgins would have a field day with him. 

Pat Cash - ex Wimbledon Champion. You know he is the one who wears black and white headbands and climbed up into the box to hug his parents when he won. Aaah sweet. Now done by nearly everyone else including Nadal who climbed over to shake hands with the Prince of the Asturias in the Royal Box when he won.   PC is the owner of a whiny whingey voice and he does not commentate - he witters. He starts a sentence, not sure how to end it and it dies away in silences and odd words here and there and usually while the tennis is being played. Last year I remember an occasion when he moaned about he BBC canteen and said his chocolate brownie was rubbish, and all the time the tennis was playing.  Cannot understand why the BBC hire him.

And now the women.  Tracy Austin is another with a thin whiny voice but somehow I don't find her irritating though I know others do.   I have just watched an excellent ladies single match this evening and one of the commentators was Lindsey Davenport, the Wimbledon Champion on 1999. Always strikes me as being a very nice lady but that means diddly squat when you are there droning on about forehands weaknesses and being focused and boy, does she drone.  Virginia Wade - don't let's go there. Just what IS her accent - does anybody know

Sue Barker - what can one say about the redoubtable lady who keeps it all together, interviews with grace, authority and style and never seems to be lost for a word or flustered. She deserves a medal for the number of times she can ask Will Andy Murray Win Wimbledon without rolling her eyes and thinking I am seriously pissed off with having to ask this YET AGAIN, but she has to do it. One of the reasons I want Andy to win Wimbledon, or any Grand Slam for that matter, is to relieve Sue's suffering. I also wish somebody would tell her what clothes to wear, some of her outfits defy description. Perhaps they do....

I won't start on the gruntings of Venus or Serena Williams, the yells of the Shrieking Shack aka Maria Sharapova or Djokovic bouncing his tennis ball 39+ times between each point or the alarming number of men players who play with baseball caps on backwards, or the seriously weird fashion sense exhibited by some of the lady players, yep Venus and Serena you again, or the.........no I will stop because I don't want you getting the wrong idea that I dislike Wimbledon.

I LOVE IT. I first went in 1964 and saw the Ladies Final, yes I slept out all night (never again), between Margaret Smith and Maria Bueno and used to regularly beat the trail down to the All England Lawn Club  for about 15 years and then I stopped going.  Not quite sure why but I have a feeling that the arrival of Mac the Mouth might have had something to do with it.  Now I am at home with a terrific TV with digital and the red button so I can watch for hours and hours and I do I do.  I have seen some stunning matches over the 40+ years I have been watching and think it is the greatest tournament in the world.

And that is why I grumble and moan and bitch about it. It's what us Brits do.

PS and we mustn't forget the silly hat worn by the spectators.

Anyone for Tennis?

It is the start of the English grass court season and, true to form, after one of the driest three months we have had for ages, the rain is now pouring down and it is cold and grey. 

I have not been feeling too well this week so was glad to loll around on the sofa and watch the Aegon Championships at the Queen's Club.  Everyone and everything is decked out in blue to go with the company's brand which is a vast improvement on the days when it was the Stella Artois championships and everything was in a shrieking pillar box red.  A gift of a week as not only did Andy Murray make the final (he totally demolished Andy Roddick in the semis in under one hour - I have never seen him play so well), but we also had a Plucky Brit, ranked in the nether regions on the computer, also come through to the semi-finals knocking out two players in the top 20 and one in the top 50 in order to get there. Of course when this happens the tabloids latch onto it like a leech thirsting for blood and the whole thing was made even better as the player, Jamie Ward, is the son of a London taxi driver.  Oh Gor blimey Guv this proves that tennis is not a game for the upper class drones in England but is for the proles as well.  Throw in the fact that he has a cage fighter as a trainer/motivator and, well I need not go on - you get the picture.   Of course, nobody thinks for one moment that tennis is for the proles, you just had to take a gander at the audience at Queen's Club with their Pimms and the braying Hooray Henry types watching the tennis in between texting and taking calls. Pippa Middleton was there fresh from her hard week of watching the French Open in the President's Box, who is now a true Sleb and it goes without saying that the Beeb zoomed in on her at every opportunity. No doubt she will appear in the Royal Box at Wimbledon in due course....

(You probably think I am being slightly satirical calling him a Plucky Brit but this is what appeared in at least one newspaper and not a tabloid either.  I simply cannot imagine Nadal or Federer being called Plucky can you?  It is a Brit thing)

Still, he really did well and I was most impressed with his playing and his general on court demeanour and he seems remarkably unfazed by it all.  Considering he has spent the last few years on the lowly Challenger Circuit earning peanuts it was not surprising that his eyes lit up when he discovered that he was guaranteed a cheque for some £22k for this week's work.  Of course, Sue Barker, John Lloyd et al were building him up big time and saying how he could go on from this and do well.  We have all been there before.  Every summer we have a Plucky Brit knocking out a top seeded player and then after all the hoo-hah collapsing the next day against somebody ranked 999 in Outer Mongolia. Let's be honest here, Tim Henman made a career out of it.  I am probably being a bit unkind but the way these flashes of brilliance are seized upon by the sports writers in the summer is so predictable. They should know better by now that if you see the light at the end of the British tennis tunnel it is probably an oncoming train....

With all the rain delays there were lots of fill ins and the best one of all was an edited showing of the 2008 Wimbledon Final when Nadal beat Federer in five sets in one of the best tennis matches of all time.   Of course, being the BBC they couldn't just leave it alone. Oh no.  We had Rog and Raf reading out bits of Kipling's Poem 'If' which is above the door of the entrance to the Centre Court. Hugely embarrassing, cringe, cringe.  And then the slow mo....this was just so uber cool in the sixties when it was first used but now is just old hat and yet it is welded to the hearts of sport producers.  Yes, watching the balletic grace with which Rog plays in slow motion is beautiful but after he has pirouetted his way around the court dozens of times it gets a tad boring.   And somebody really ought to mention to the Beeb that a slow mo of Rafa's sweat drenched hair swinging round his head with the perspiration flying of it and his mouth also wide open is, quite frankly, likely to put you off your dinner.

Best fill in was a feature all about Boris Becker and how winning Wimbers at age 17 changed his life and how he found it really difficult to handle and then all the appalling racial abuse he and his black wife Barbara suffered. I remember reading this at the time and they had to leave Germany and live elsewhere. He was also very honest and open about The Encounter in the Broom Cupboard at Nobo Club which led to a daughter being born some nine months later who he could not deny was his as she is his spitting image.  Boris was very frank and humorous about his many mistakes and came across as a really nice guy.

Anyway, no matter how many times I know I will have to turn the sound off to avoid Pat Cash's witterings and mutterings and avoid a clearly uncomfortable MacEnroe trying to be positive when asked for the umpteenth time Do you think Andy Murray can win Wimbledon, I am looking forward to a fortnight of glorious tennis.  I love it all and have done since I first stood on the Centre Court back in 1964 and watched Maria Bueno play Margaret Court. Yep, that dates me.  I also saw John Newcombe, Roy Emerson, Fred Stolle, Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, Chris Evert, Nastase, Connors...oh the roll call is a long one and I tell you that though I now watch it in the comfort of my home on my super duper TV, there is nothing so wonderful as being on the Centre Court in the evening at the end of a long hot summer's day (yes we did have them) and watch a mixed or a men's doubles being played out. Though the doubles was taken seriously and all the big names played them, unlike today, it was usually played in a more relaxed and friendly manner and the players would sometimes goof around and the crowd loved it.  One marvellous moment I always remember, Newcombe and Roche were playing against Tom Okker (from Holland and known rather predictably as the Flying Dutchman) and his partner (whose name escapes me), when a ball came back to them.  N & R both shriekd MINE rushed to hit it, crashed into each other and fell over flat on their backs, somehow managing to get the ball back over the net, whence Tom and his partner also shriekd MINE rushed towards it and also crashed into each other.  I think it is the only time I have seen four tennis players flat on their back on the Centre Court.

Ah, happy days...........